It has been a long while hasnt it my old friend? Since we laughed and talked in the old way, worlds blending into one garbled fluid dance, we made marvelous partners, you and I. Oh, how we moved through gardens and caves and fields and we played. We let joy flood our face pretending we were one. Not in truth only in jest but those moments, do you remember? What were you just thinking? You had a look in your eye and the ghost of a smile. Maybe you thought of me back where you left me. I’m still here waiting. Inside this house with its mouse-filled walls and its creaky floors. I still get splinters when I move from room to room, hiding from the shadows. They still haunt me here. Still scratch at my bedroom door. Whispering for more. It gets lonely here. I’ve made friends with the bats, remember how we used to watch them fly out of the house into the evening sky? We watched them grow smaller and smaller as they flew further away. We wondered if we’d grow wings so we could fly. Grow smaller and smaller. I hope you come get me. It’s dark here and the walls are not silent. They whisper secrets I’d rather not hear. Tell me stories I’m trying to forget. I miss you, you know. Do you miss me too? You must. You must feel empty too.
I bet it hurts you, doesn’t it?
To think that there is something
in this world which does not
revolve around you
it must shock you to think that
though the Fuckery stemmed from you
you are no longer a factor in this equation
I’ve cancelled you out
Smudged the edges of
my apartment and
ushered the toxicity
which is your imprint
upon my flesh
out of the building
you are hereby dismissed
do not think for one moment
I am sorry to see you go
you who have fetishized
raped and abused me
crawled between my
bones and my flesh and
leaked out your poison
What really gets me is
you’re convinced it is love
your smugness is nauseating
your certainty preposterous
yet you stay firmly planted
rooted in the rewritten history
you believe is your truth
your blindness is appalling
your presence is threatening
it is time for you
to exit the conversation.
Cant you see your ignorance brings pain
Over and over and over again?
Tell me, what do you get
From being an insufferable fucking twit?
I’d smack hard upon your face
If I thought for a second it would make you change
But your ingnorance is so deeply ingrained
It’s not astounding to see you have no shame
Benefiting from bodies lain
Casually in unmarked graves
Where will you be in a hundred years
When all that remains of us are your tears
Trickling down your pale white face
As buildings burn and what’s left of your race
Are sitting on the searing coals
With nothing to eat and only each other to hold?
They called her hair windswept when it blew across her face. Her mother always said it reminded her of a wise woman, walking along a shore. Her baby, bound for greatness. Her mother always told her she could do anything, be anything, sky’s the limit. I guess Salome took her seriously. You could often find her walking along ledges, arms spread wide. Everyone had thought it was to steady herself, but now it seems maybe she was doing something else. Practicing, testing her limits.
It was a neighbor who spotted her first, slowly making her way up the top of the cliff. He saw it from the edge of the village where they lived.
Ital was sitting on his rooftop, warm clay beneath his hands and feet as he leaned against the edge, pulling on a hand rolled cigarette. He watched Salome’s slow progress up till she reached the cliff’s zenith. He thought to call for someone, her mother perhaps… but when Ital heard the voices below, he realized that he needn’t bother. Already the villagers had begun to gather. Some shouted and pointed excitedly, while others murmured prayers and judgements.
The girl’s mother was among them. She didn’t seem as bothered as he would have expected. Though she did have a calm sort of concern about her, steady like a river. When her eyes found and fixed on her daughter, they remained there, unmoving.
Salome took a deep breath. Then she took another, and another. Closing her eyes, she began to center herself. She knew everyone in Thachsit thought she was bent, directly out of her mind. Even across the distance she felt them waiting, judging, felt their eyes on her… so, she sat.
The sun rose in the sky, it burned hot and persistent against her dark skin and she welcomed it. Salome had always found that the sun opened her up, connected her to the world around her. She thought of the sun as one of her lovers, it provided for her a spiritual, sensual experience.
A breeze picked up on the cliff, carrying the smell of dust and dried grass and wildflowers up from the valley below. Salome inhaled deeply, savoring each breath, letting go.
The sun had set. Salome noticed only after she opened her eyes and found stars glittering over Thachsit. Some of the villagers who gathered earlier had since set up tiny makeshift camps. A handful of blazing fires raged haphazardly in the mouth of the valley. She imagined they were cooking food on them, making love by them, drinking wine off one another, dancing and laughing. She felt the threat of jealousy tug at her chest.
Salome could hear the drums. Could feel their beat thrum through her body. She wondered distantly when the music began, it trembled the earth beneath her, Gaia’s heartbeat. Lightning bugs danced around her and crickets added their notes to the drummers’ song.
When Salome stood up again, the moon was glittering over the valley, making playful shadows among the rocks and creatures below. Things scuttled and scurried making patterns in the dirt. She could still smell it on the air, sweet and clean, like after a heavy rain. The dirt felt cool beneath her feet, it grounded her. Salome took one step, then another, until she was at the very edge of the cliff. Then, she leapt.
The air is getting louder
Coming in with a harshness
I don’t remember hearing
It jars me
Lately I have been catching myself
Grinding my teeth
I will myself to relax
It is an effort.
The night the moon came down, she hung first in the sky unmoving, watching
She glittered her light along the treetops they danced in gratitude
I love you, you know – she whispered to the wind, urging it to carry the message along
Unsure of who she meant for it to reach
My stores have filled up
Bout to burst
Bout to run on reserve
The right to be a cunt
Im just saying
Sometimes its tough
Pretending like you give a fuck
Just so you can earn a buck